Pitbull - Ms. Worldwide

There is benefit to having 3 brothers.
And my personality.
Well - and the fact that I don't get sloppy when I've had a few drinks.

...

Traveling with a friend, we were downstairs in the hotel bar enjoying ourselves when a man (who was with a group of men at a table) approached us and struck up a conversation.  Nothing odd about this... he positioned himself close to us for conversation - I excused myself to the ladies' room.

Came back - another man from the group asked why we weren't over at their table - so we both joined their group and they moved our white leather wingback chairs over to their area...

...

The man who first approached us, 6'2", 325+lbs, said, "we should take a picture of everyone" ... so we acquiesced ... "Cheese!"  Then he said, "Hey, why don't you kiss her" with his phone ready... my friend looked at me grinning... "I'll kiss your cheek"... so that happened...

"Now you kiss her," he directed...

My antenna went up... but I did.... and I said, "Hey, let me see your phone so I can send those photos to my phone...."

Dumb ass.

He handed me his phone and with a few flicks of my thumb I realized he had been breast pic-ing to an extreme (low cut shirts turned at one angle are rather revealing) ...

delete. yes. delete. yes. delete. yes.

He realizes what I'm doing and tries to grab his phone.  I lean forward and continue to delete...

This huge Monster of a man - almost double my size - leans over me - engulfing me trying to get his phone and I am quietly and sternly saying "No. No. No. No. No."

We end up with me pretzeled underneath him, and the phone is now on the floor between my legs and I am now deleting any possibility of our cheeky good times... and then...

He reaches between my legs - I'm wearing a dress - and my fierce Simoneness came out - (hey - I'm dragon and lion) and I turned my head (because the rest of me is buried under the weight of him) and I bit him like a pitbull.

F*c**R.

He got his phone.  A bruise - I hope he bled.  And when he gets home to his wife - I hope she realizes that the bruise he's sporting are the teeth marks of a fierce woman/friend who will not tolerate this insanity.

Women.  Don't you dare allow this behavior.  Have the back of every woman near you - be fierce.

He left immediately after I gave him his phone.  His 'friends' were speechless and it wasn't until much later that one of his co-workers realized the scope of the situation and leaned over to apologize to me.

...

You know who I was thankful for?  My brothers.  They made me a scrapper.  As sophisticated and proper as my Grandmother tried (!!!) to make me... I will stand toe to toe to people who are in the wrong - without reserve.

Thank you my 3 J's - I've pondered your roles in my life since this weird situation and been appreciative of your individual influence.

...

May you be BLESSED with opportunity to make right - right.

Because right makes you sleep at night.

§

Make Your Story - Don't Waste That S***

So - it's friends who are family that send you the most appropriate thoughts when you need to read them....

Especially when you need to be centered back to your true self.

Take your life and make it the best story in the world.  Don't waste that shit.

I literally laughed aloud when I read the last two sentences.

And then I reread all of it and realized this entire thought (that made my forever friend think of me - thanks, Athena) is so true.  (Even if I don't drop the F-Bomb that much.)

Take pictures of everything.  Tell people you love them.  TALK TO RANDOM STRANGERS!

Do things you're scared to do.  (Do things out of your everyday norm, date, invest your mind, travel, dust yourself off, relish in the possibility of being completely flawed and wonderful - make your story...)

Let's uplevel this - make your real story.  Live it like it's the last handhold you have on your breath and make it so real that it burns with the gasp and fills with the light.

If you wrote your story in one sentence what would it be?  Remember mine?

I do - but I'm going to put it in present tense - "She lives."

Tennessee Whiskey

My heart was broken.

Which kinda' pisses me off because I'm pretty careful with something like my heart.

But - c'est la vie - I need some life lessons.  And an invested spirit and heart that is shredded is not to be negated.   I just need to figure out the role this plays....

What did I learn from this experience?

Don't dumb down.  (simply, don't apologize for using big words or expanding on a concept that seems to illude others...)

Who gives a flying flap of flamingos if you're older.... (6 months older isn't older, unless you're milk)

If you have to dampen your light in any situation, then it's a wrong situation... shine bright... SHINE.

Keep on keepin on... don't stop forward motion in the process of personal development or growth.

My Simone lessons?  Because it's beyond the usual lesson -

  *be vulnerable, even if it's so scary it's beyond ghostbusters
  *don't stop being you - you are the most real of real - which is scary as *f
  *if your people see red flags (I have great people) listen to them and take a moment to develope
  *on the flip-side, your people would often tell you that you "can't" or "shouldn't" and holy         goodness... this year you have invented the impossible opportunity of being possible.  (so great)

I'm essentially done with this year... not in its totality ... but in the concept that I have to make it right or real or necessary to make so many people comfortable.

This has been the most uncomfortable year of my life.

Dude.

Dude.

That says a lot.

I'm going to rally.  I'm going to believe in you and me and what is right and real.  I'm going to make great things happen.  (Because it's what I do.)

Be great.  It's f*ing hard.  But it's so sweet.

 §

Change The World.... Here's Your Sign

Here's your sign(s):

A young man in his 20s, basketball jersey, tattoos, big sunglasses - dancing outside of his vehicle at a local store and he is lipsynching to a song that I know... thinking to myself, 'this is awesome'... and walking past him to see that he is singing to a toddler in a child-seat in the back seat.

Wow.  THAT was of the Divine.  I couldn't stop smiling or feeling my heart shining.

...

Feeling the me return to me at my work - and walking into a meeting outlining my expectations... and one of my most trusted staff looking at me later saying, "I'm so happy to see you again.  You're back.  Simone is back."

...

Realizing that the General Lee needs its windows back on... and driving home tonight and finding that someone has put the windows on for me...

Breathe, Simone.  Stretch into this love.

...

Making myself vulnerable to expressing the chaos and hurt to a 'qualified' professional who looked at me in slight exasperation and much care to say, "There is nothing wrong with you.  You have every right and every light to feel what you're going through..."

...

A text that had me weeping - not because it was bad... but because someone cared enough to see my cracked state and offer me love...

"A strong person knows they have strength enough for their journey, but a person of strength knows that it is their journey where they will become strong.  I believe you are a person of strength.  I love your spirit and you.  Peace my dear friend."

I was so shaken by this text that I forgot my groceries at the store - went back in blushing at my absent-mindedness.  I wept again that I am not strong enough to hide my hurt and blessed that I am surrounded by the most beautiful souls.

...

There's a lot I can't talk about.  This happens.  It's a work thing, it's a privacy thing, it's a legal thing... but I have had a year of building fortitude.  Recognizing that I am the one who builds up - and I have not fostered that trait - ... I'll work on that ...

...

Being this real and vulnerable in writing - publicly - is not valued as the 'norm'.

Have any of you known me to be any part of any "norm"?  (No.  The answer is no.)

I can write this... I appreciate you.

You.  If you're reading this then there is a right and real reason that you are in my life.  I appreciate every aspect of our interaction and it is of my personality to write about it.

You create my opportunity to grow - and I am forever blessed for that reason.

...

Onward and upward.  We'll keep this dialogue as needed.

PostSecret Revisited

Once upon a time I had a blog ... it was an every day thing...

I think it's time to revive that trend...

Postsecret was often my inspiration... because once upon a time they posted my secret...

This week I found a post that spoke to me...

My own experience made this post relevant ...

Folks, there is so much good in the world.  It's okay to relate to a stranger or to a soul you never considered to understand you.

Be fierce in your best you and the efforts to love and live in the ways you know how... and in the ways you never considered.

And for the love of all that's holy... stretch into the unknown.

Fiercely.

(Much love from the world of mountains and challenged heart.)

§

Best Time to Reflect

Do you know what you do when someone lets you down?

(I just laughed... I have no idea what you do... let me tell you what I do.)

I get really sad.  Sad that I had misplaced trust - because words and actions mean so much to me that I placed trust (precious stone, precious trust) in untrue hands.

Then - 99.7% of the time - I pick myself up, dust myself off... like this...

(Thanks, Tink)

Then I think, think, think... if you were the best you, what would you do next?  You would give that hurt back to the person - not hold onto it - and find a best way to be the best Simone.

Often people ask me - how did you get through it - ... well, I thought I'd best do something productive and improve myself.  Learn something new, create something new, write something new - from the ashes make soap.  Listen to music that makes my pulse beat again -
(Right now - it's "Country Song" by Seether... not what you're expecting from a Simone, eh? - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NMxwbn_QoU )

I will not dare let someone touch this light very long where it will dampen.  Enough.

I choose to be better.  I choose to reflect upon the situation as a lesson that will make me better - and trust me - it will.

Carpe Diem, m****** f*****.

Much love to each of you - and I mean it.

Past The Shoreline

2017's Summer Vacation - lots of new.  Lots of challenges.  Much to write about.

I had never been to Glacier National Park ... it was on the list - people were adamant that it be part of my Montana experience.  Truth be told, I knew Glacier would fit into my enamoured concept of Montana.

It didn't disappoint.

One camping spot at Bowman Lake found me paddling the lake often - there is a completely different story about Lake Bowman - but one afternoon found my camp partners readying for a nap and I headed to the lake to paddle board out... and out... and out... like an hour and a half paddling in one direction.  I wanted to get in between the glaciers and mountains.  I wanted to see what was beyond the panoramic scene from the lake shore.

It was this experience, paddling out so far, seeing the mountains and glaciers - that made me realize the number of people who drove to Lake Bowman - they stood on the shore - took photos and they left.

This thought shook me.

And yet, gave me a great realization...

I was no longer the person who stood upon the shore.

There was/is this whole other world defined by the beauty that was quite prevalent merely from a car/short hike/shoreline.

And yet - and then - there was this beauty that unfolded if you were brave enough to venture further.

I feel brave.

I feel real.

I feel right.

Never do I want to be a shoreline viewer - let the opportunity to venture further always present itself.

More writing to come  -  but I wish you waters that carry you forward, views that put life into perspective and the knowledge that all is tied into one.

More soon....

§ 

Caution: Fragile

Frag-il-e.

There's a movie where someone pronounced the word fragile as "fraj-eel-ee" - I still read the word like that in my head.

That's how I'm feeling right now - fraj-eel-ee.

Where to start - and where can I even voice this...

I trusted someone.  Took them at face value - and in the process found my heart sneaking into the picture - and then it was ripped out, chewed up, set in front of me and shattered.

Fraj-eel-ee.

Strong woman.  Yeup.

Maybe.

Work ... Jesus H Christ. What a mess.  Restraining orders. Court hearings. Madness.

Fraj-eel-ee.

I want to pull the pieces of me back into place and protect them.  I want to go back three months.

I don't want to be fraj-eel-ee.  I want to be me.

So I'm going to give myself 3 days of feeling fraj-eel-ee.

And then I'm going to suck it up and find my fierce, bad-ass self.

Ready.  Set.  Go.