Moods. Whims. Best, next steps.

I'm in a mood tonight.

Part heartbreaking whimsy and part fierce Simone standard.

(I debated if I should have written that "Fierce Simone Standard" ...)

I walked into my apartment tonight and turned to the mirror and said, "You are Simone - you do not moon."  Fiercely - I meant this.   Stop it, broad - stop it.

http://sim1says.blogspot.com/2016/12/you-are-simone.html

I'm mooning.  Disgusted with myself for it - but realizing a spade is a spade - I'm mooning.

Not so bad that I'm losing my Simoneness - but bad enough that I must address my headspace. 

It's happening. 

God forgive me - it's happening.

I wrote in the above dialog, "You accept the face of challenge and bless its being."  Right now I'm trying to acclimate myself to the challenge - heck - right now - I'm bowled over with the realization that I still don't have 'this' figured out. 

... and you know what?

I'm appreciative for that as well.  These faults and flaws and quirks that I am veined with - ... pfffshaw....

I love it.    ....     I.  am.  me.

That's all you get.   You.  Reading this.  You only get this flawed, unknown, lacking destination me...

How blessed am I?  I get this life.  These destinations and heart pulls - ... wow...

Feeling the pull of Rocco DeLuca tonight - dare you to go read the lyrics.

https://youtu.be/EOLjCsj4kcw

https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/roccodelucatheburden/colorful.html

Mr. DeLuca - you tipped my hat to your beautiful song....

You dance like no one's watching
Sing 'till the song ends
Then you sing some more
And we can hardly believe it
Words that flow from your mouth
Drink like it's water
You're the most colorful thing that I've seen

Life is Not Easy. Be Discerning. Author Your Life.

One of my life friends sent me this.  He's known me almost two decades and still understands that certain "speaks" - well, they speak to me. 

Dare you to listen to this in its entirety.  My cliff notes (for my growing self) are below...

Be your best, beautiful, faulted self.

§


Life is not easy.  It is not.  Don't try to make it that way.
Life's not fair, it isn't now and it won't ever be.

Get over it and get on with it.

Leave the world a little bit better place than you found it.

Don't choose anything that will jeopardize yourself. 

Don't spend time with anything that antagonizes your character.

Be brave - take the hill - but first answer the question - what is my hill?

Tend [your] garden - keep the things important to [you] in good shape.

Where you are not is not as important as where you are.

The first step is knowing who you are not.

Get rid of the excess - the wasted time.  Decrease your options.

Knowing who you are is hard.  Give yourself a break.  Eliminate who you are not first.

We try our best - we don't always do our best.

Our architecture is a verb as well.
Since we are the architects of our own lives - let's study the habits that lead to our success.

Our honest pain.
Our learned tears.

Be discerning - choose it - because you want it.

Do it - because you want to.

We're going to make mistakes - you gotta own them.

Then you've got to make amends - and then you've got to move on.

Guilt and regret kills many a man before their time.

You are the author of the book of your life.                                                                      

Greater Purpose. For Rick and Derek.

I don't want to count my days to heaven
I know they're coming and they will be infinite
What is now, is the gift I've been given
And it's for cause.

Christ did not walk this earth so I could be ready to leave it
Nor did God create these paths so we could bypass them
You were meant to be present
- and available to what you can do here.

Many speak of the hereafter, and how amazing it will be
All I can do is sit back wondering why they don't see
We are blessed with the bounty of opportunity, breath and life
You have been given Eden.

Perfect?  No.  Divine?  You bet it is.
There are miracles given to us by Grace -
there's forgiveness given to us by Mercy.
Why fast-forward through this gift?

I know where I'll go when my breath is no more
Blessed to be part of a greater story than my own
But I would be errant in His purpose for giving me life
If I didn't live it.

(For Rick and Derek - who are both on their own paths - and who need to remember that the beauty of life is that you have been blessed with it.  Go live it.)

Hot Coals. Hot Anger. Cool Resilience.

Buddha taught in the Suttas, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

I'm not easy to anger - but when I do, I flare like a big fire - and if given the opportunity to directly address my anger, I will cool fast.  If not, I realize the coal sets into this slow burn/boil - if my voice is silenced then I just simmer.

Sunday I was taking an early morning drive and I was pondering situations that had recently flared my anger and I thought something that was bordering preposterous and telling...

"It's not that I think I'm always right - but I need to understand when I'm wrong."

Real communication, without backbiting, is my favorite kind of talk.  I tell someone my view and perception - and then I earnestly listen as they voice their real view and we find the opportunity to move forward.  

Mind you, it's not as nice as it sounds - sometimes I debate in technical terms - or I move my mindset to cement and need a sledgehammer to move me.  (Sledgehammers are okay when you're trying to change the path of many.)

Hello - I'm faulted and human.  Sometimes people don't know me well enough to realize that my ulterior motive is the best outcome of the greater good.  But - in my current perview- you have to get out of your tower long enough to know this about me.

...

And passionate.  If I don't think it's the right thing - I don't do it.  If it serves only me - I won't do it.  If it creates, in my perception, a best path for many people - I'll push forward like a bull. I don't need to be right - I need to know when I'm wrong.  I'll pause when I'm wrong.  I'll stop and acquiesce to best next steps and I will, with a most humble nature say, "I was wrong."

But if you can't look me in the eye.  If you are offended by a simple writing or path - then I hold that coal and simmer.  And then I resent that I was holding the damn coal in the first place. 

Open - accepting - just say your truth.  Don't be manipulative.  Don't be self-serving.  Get off your seat (arse) and realize there are many people who depend on you to lead.  Leadership is not an opportunity - it's a gift - and it's not easily given.  Leadership has zero to do with you - but everything to do with the people that you can foster into being the best souls.  If you can do that - they will lift you to the greater goal.

"Can't do" or "Won't do" or "Will fail" leadership un-inspires me.  

Tell me - what can you do?  What do you bring?  How do you inspire your people?  How do you collaborate?  How do you face differences without overturning the apple-cart?  

Consider those apples, Johnny Appleseed, because safe is only your one next crop - then you must answer for the next season, and likely, you will will find nothing more than decent compost.

*sigh.... I have this damn coal in my hands and I want to be rid of it ... 

The crux of this is if I rid myself of it too early, then I'm not true to something beyond me and my ego.

The reality is that I have to take a breath, love, listen and understand that I do not have to understand everything.

Which leaves me humble and open to opportunity of enrichment.  

This makes me receptive.  (which is my daily prayer, "Lord, I am receptive.")

I refuse to let this burn much longer - but - I'll be damned if I shake my stake without cause.

...

Be loved and strong and known and scared and hopeful and resilient.

Good purpose understands the best nature.

Love to you crazy souls.

-  §