MST - 42 - Possible

This is my last Friday (30 minutes of Friday) as a 41 year-old.

By the time I publish this blog, likely Friday will have slipped away into Saturday - and I will have slipped into bed.

As a side note, my treadmill debacle yesterday has left me incredibly uncomfortable, but thoughtful - thus, I'm writing.

Late July to early August typically finds me retreating internally - my father passed away late July, my mother early August and they perfectly framed my birthday - (thanks parentals).  Although it's been 25 years since my mother passed and 22 years for my father, it wasn't until quite recently that I realized how closely I held those mourning cards close to my chest.  (A southern lady keeps her composure, a sister keeps her cool, a mother keeps her calm, a woman cares for many.... )

I digress.

42.  (I've been waiting for you.)  I've dreaded this age because I always felt guilty that I made it - and that my life would be happy and healthy during it.  42 is when my mother passed away.  Darn her, she has missed some amazing kids (all 4 of them are extraordinary) and some phenomenal grand-kids (8 of them).  My mother, a completely good/lost/loving soul - she would have gotten a kick outta' the likes of this group that found their own paths from the one she started.  My dad?  Geesh.  He waited until he was 49 to go to his next adventure .... and he - he would think I was bemoaning a topic best left alone when there was so much life yet to be lived.  He would be right.

(This blog branches off in so many directions - mourning, acceptance, patience... )

Really - right now - there is an opportunity to write about opportunity.

Like:

*Taking paddle-boarding to a new level - it makes my heart soar to share it
*42.  This year is going to be that resonating possibility - (and I love possibility)
*Lessons to lean on someone who is going to wield logic and love to protect my fragile/fierce heart
*Adventures - I am oh so ready for adventures!

Next week, on my birthday, I plan on rising early and driving to a lake I've never paddle-boarded to whisper to my 42 year old self, "pssst...  you are ready for the next possible great step"....

Truth be told... I am.

Whether I'm 42, 49, 78, or 106 - I make the decision that living in a shadow of the past is not my fortune told  ....

I'm given possibility every single day.

And glad for it.

Hey you - reader - may you take from your time here - on this writing - ... you are the best possibility.  And it's a lovely, beautiful prospect... to be possible.

Love, light and a lot of mischievous mettle.

(It's 12:03 ... and Saturday in Mountain Standard Time).

- Simone 

Investment of Time. Amazing Man.

I'm thinking this morning.

(Don't be too shocked - I think...)

Today I had to take the day off from work to take care of some matters - and as I was slowly getting ready for the day I was thinking about how people show their love and care.

I was married. (Either you're bowled over by my ability to state the obvious - or you smiled...)

I knew it was over before I came to Montana but September 2015 cemented the whole thing for me.  That September, my family and I made plans to get together at a house in Texas at a lake.  My uncle (who I had not seen in years), his wife (that I had not met), my brothers, nieces and nephews, cousin (and his beautiful wife and children) were all there.  My cousin brought his boat.

I had paid for my husband to fly to Texas so he could go to another city to be with his friends and then join my family afterwards.  He didn't join us.  He knew this was a very important thing for me -he knew that meeting my uncle and spending time with my brothers was really, really important - but he chose to stay in another town hours away and drink and spend time with his friends and family - and he didn't show up until everyone had left.

(As a side note, I left the lake house and went to that town and spent time with his friends and family after my family left.)

It struck me then on that drive to Abilene that September 2015 (I still remember the songs that played in the rental car) -  not only was I not in love with this man - but he was not in love with me.   

Fast forward folks - welcome to July of 2018.  John.  (I typed his name and I smiled.)

I told John a few weeks ago that I had to go to Texas for work, but would extend my trip and go see my brothers and my kids.  A couple of days later he said to me, "I'd like to go to Texas with you and meet your family."

Can I tell you - dear reader - what that means to me?  

This morning we were talking about the trip - and I was coordinating with my family on meal prep (uncle is coming, brothers will be there, nephews and nieces) - and it struck me that I am excited (more excited!) about this trip.  

I get to see my children, my brothers, uncle and aunt - and share it with a man who is not only interested in my family and my life - but wants to invest his time and life with my own.  

The most important investment in a relationship is not flowers and jewelry - it's not words ...

It's time.  It's investment in heart, future -and time.

And that is my morning pondering ... and I can't help but realize how very blessed I am.

Wishing you love - and time to find it - and time to appreciate it.

- Simone