Beautiful

It was slow to happen, one of those things in life you don't even realize.

You've spent a couple score of years not even knowing it.

And then, simply, one day - you look in the mirror and you think, "I'm beautiful."

And when it happened - when this moment happened -  I felt like a startled deer in Autumn and a shot of fine, warming Kentucky bourbon running through my body at the same time.

41 years.  41 years and a body marked with scars, stretch marks, and showing small tell/tale signs of lines on my face - it was surprising when I turned to grab my keys, glanced in the mirror and smiled at myself and thought, "I'm beautiful."

Not your traditional beauty, mind you, I'll never be a single digit size, nor will I be a sculpted goddess with a washboard tummy.  I do have phenomenal hair, sincere eyes, round high cheek-bones, a beauty mark above the left corner of my lips - and those lips - quick to smile, easy to laugh, and ready for witty dialogue and debate.  While feeding my soul, I started to feed my shine that brightens others - by taking care of me - I started to let my Simoneness break through.

I am beautiful.

Hello me. Welcome.
...

May you know you.  Find you.  Love you.  Be grateful.

§

Because One Day...

... something and someone else matters...

... because it might be the anniversary that crushes most anyone...

... because the ability to control cheese melt - or distribution thereof... doesn't matter...

... life is this short value - that denotes something that we can never measure

Even a Simone has cracks and balanced needs.... 

Because you get to decide - one day - if it's worth your effort.

Relationships are selfish and inclusive - and they are what we get to decide...

and that goes both ways.

I decided quite some time ago what is worth my effort - but it is not without return... I don't need "things" ... but I need...

I need.

And I won't bow or beg for it anymore...

Anti-up. 

Cuarenta and Wonder.

Last day as two score.

I'm grinning typing this.  I remember thinking 35 was old.  Because once I turned 35, Meredith would be 20.  Rob would be 16.  Man, that's old.

(Chuckling at myself.)

2017 has proven itself as a year of growth.  (wow)  (wow)  (dude)

(Has anyone noticed - for all the decorum of my many reactions... I often find myself saying "dude"...)

Child of the 80s and Sean Penn have never left me.

...

So if you know, and if you don't, there is a song I play every day of me.  (birthday)  It's "Wonder" by Natalie Merchant.  Not one to think I'm unique - I'm not - but I am going to be a part of joy.  I may even (often) instigate it.  (Joy is my manna.)  

"...  I believe, fate, fate smiled And destiny laughed as she came to my cradle Know this child will be able Laughed as she came to my mother Know this child will not suffer Laughed as my body she lifted Know this child will be gifted With love, with patience and with faith She'll make her way, she'll make her way"  

I have been in cities all over this U.S. of A. and woke up August 2nd and my first act before exiting bed is to play this song.  It's fierce and empowering and ... it's right for me.

You, dear reader, likely know 1/16th of my story - likely less - and that's what I hope for because I am not the story of old but the opportunity of new.  Once upon a time I was working on a book about my life experiences... and then I stopped.  Someone asked why I stopped - and simply - I don't want to write that story anymore.

I want to write this one.  I want to be part of my now.  Really - yesterday - last decade - the one before - doesn't account for my now. I desire to be in the now.

I want you to be the same.

You are not defined by the past.

You have now - next - real - and please, never discount that real. It's pretty freakin' amazing.   Your now will set the stage for amazing opportunity and grace.

Let's not forget Grace.  (huge, huge)

Cuarenta y uno - here I come.  Like a rocket - with streamers, joy, light and acceptance of opportunity.

Lift off.

Lyrics:
Doctors have come from distant cities, just to see me Stand over my bed, disbelieving what they're seeing They say I must be one of the wonders Of God's own creation And as far as they see, they can offer No explanation Newspapers ask intimate questions, want confessions They reach into my head to steal, the glory of my story They say I must be one of the wonders Of God's own creation And as far as they see, they can offer No explanation Ooo, I believe, fate, fate smiled And destiny laughed as she came to my cradle Know this child will be able Laughed as my body she lifted Know this child will be gifted With love, with patience, and with faith She'll make her way, she'll make her wayPeople see me I'm a challenge to your balance I'm over your heads how I confound you And astound you To know I must be one of the wonders They say I must be one of the wonders Of God's own creation And as far as they see, they can offer No explanation Ooo, I believe, fate, fate smiled And destiny laughed as she came to my cradle Know this child will be able Laughed as she came to my mother Know this child will not suffer Laughed as my body she lifted Know this child will be gifted With love, with patience and with faith She'll make her way, she'll make her way