I'm back and I'm better.
That's a simple enough entry to introduce my place in this world right now. Simply, I'm back home and my head-space is where it should be.
My diagnosis - no longer depression - but PTSD with depression and suicidal-ideation as secondary diagnoses to the primary. Who knew that PTSD could present itself so far after so much. I always prided myself in overcoming my past. Hunger, homelessness, teen pregnancy, drug use at an early age, abuse, rape - you name it, I fit the gambit of not ideal situations. The thing is - you can overcome all of that and think you're okay. But if you haven't dealt with it - if you haven't called out and "put in the light" the darkness you've endured and call it what it is, healing will never happen.
That's what I've learned the past months during care from some amazing staff. You have to admit it happened, put it into the correct context and only then can you move on.
I was really good at hiding behind work. Or caring for other people. It wasn't until the only person I had to care for was myself that little cracks started showing. Then bigger cracks. Then the dam broke.
And I'm not the only person in the world who has gone, or is going, through this. There are so many.
Get help. Talk to someone. You are responsible today for taking care of you - even if that means admitting you weren't responsible for somethings that happened in the past.
I'm not healed - but I sure am healing.
Love to all of you.
SW
No comments:
Post a Comment