Holy Road - Stones - Cassidy A Maze

My travels have me selecting the best keepsakes - I find a stone - a pebble ...
It's not a postcard or mass-market trinket
It's a weathered bit of mineral and time
There are the stones from the Baltic Sea where I danced wildly, with hands aflutter
The white quartz stone from Dailey Lake where that first kiss happened
A heart shaped stone found at my first waterfall - at my first visit to Glacier Park
A sliver of cement history, fear and forgiveness, from the Berlin Wall
Three graduated rounded stones from my adventures at Duck Creek Pass
Amethyst from my favorite shop in Texas, Cassy's, and today it balances a beautifully crafted jade orb
Hand painted stones from a South Korean woman at the local Helena farmer's market - she told me my strong dragon personality would find it's right pairing soon
...
I collect the stones and moss that cross my path and seem to recognize me.
...

Which makes me reflect upon a beautiful song by Lizzie West (Cassidy A. Maze)...

(click the link to play this amazing song)

Holy Road - by Lizzie West - Cassidy A. Maze 

I found I could go no more 
My basket empty 
And before me a thousand colored doors 
So I sat down to plead with a force beyond my reach 
Hey lord can you hear me? 
I been calling your name 
Tell me lord do you fear me? 
My nature remains 
'cuz I am human anyway 

You help me please if I may say 
'cuz I know the stable built by the hands of man 
And I know a small-town boy 
Wants to star in a rock and roll band 
And I know a 10 cent tip on a 22 dollar check. 

And for these few things I know 
These are things that I have been told 
And I still don't  know the walk of a holy road. 
I still don't know the walk of a holy road. 
Hey lord can you hear me? 
I've been begging your name 
Tell me lord, please speak clearly now 
Do I live in vain? 
For I am human anyway 
You help me please, if I may say 
Oh mother, may I? 
And father, may I? 
Tell me teacher, may I? 
You proud preacher, may I? 

Cuz I want to know the walk of a holy road 
I want to know the walk of a holy road ...

Well I know the time for a seed to take 
And I know how high the water rises, 
just before it breaks 
and I know the want of a touch 
from a lover who can't give enough 

and for these few things I know, 
these are the things that I was never told 
and then I wonder - are these the walk of a holy road? 
Are they the lines of trees? 
Are they the hedges, see? 
Are these the signs of a very holy road? 

Hey lord you can hear me, well I spoke your name - 
and lord it comes clear to me now 
I live not in vain 
for though I am human I can pray 
and as I pray I will celebrate 

'cuz I know the soothe of a song when the trap has got me lame 
and I know the chorus of crickets singing out their nightly praise 
and I know the sound of a swelling storm just before it rains. 

These are the stones of a holy road 
and I pick them up and I gather them as I go 
(These are the stones) 
These are the stones of a holy road 
and I pick them up and I gather them as I go 
These are the stones of a holy road 
and I pick them up and I gather them as I go

Dear You. Whoever You Are.

I'm curious.

About your past.

Your regrets and your passions.

What is that one moment you wish you could re-do?  What is the moment you're most proud of?

What is your language in a relationship - receiving/giving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service (devotion), or physical touch - is it a combination of a few?

Are you old school?  More progressive in your way of thinking?

What's the most thoughtful thing someone could do for you?

How do you handle stress?

Do you yell? 

Do you realize the importance of a kiss?  And that all things in life are sensual and incredibly amazing?

If you're angry/injured by your partner - how do you express it?

Do you think it's possible for a woman to be progressive in her approach to life but still embrace "old school" traditions as a feminine partner?

Define femininity.

Can a woman not be a perfect 10 physically but a 12.5 in every other part of their life?

What stills your soul?

What inspires you to be your best?  What makes you your worst?

What quote explains your person - your soul - your life?

What do you want?  I've been trying to figure that out. 

Is there a rhyme or reason to contact you?  Is there a right time to reach out?  When is it too much?

This is exhausting.  And beautiful.  And possible.

Best Self. Politics. Family. Forward Motion.

My adventures seem to bring me to the best places...

... and sometimes it finds me in spots where I would never consider myself.

Early Saturday,  I was having lunch in one of my favorite spots, and a man found his way in my path.  I was attentive and conversational.

He has an MBA from California - years of travel that included South America, Australia and Europe - his stories were quite posh.  Nervous with me (why are people nervous with me) he was explaining his political view ... which I initially agreed with.

Then I ducked and dodged... 

We were commiserating about the current Administration. (I detest discussing politics.) He pointed out the dismal placement of our country and I attempted to address how 'blue-collar' folks are our foundation.  These men (and women) were the kings of industry. In fact, I believe, this country was founded upon a population who are tradesmen and architects without pedigree.  (Degree.)

He disagreed and pointed out that 'higher' education would 'fix' folks who were lacking in social/political knowledge.

My ears turned red.  I pursed my lips. 

This is why we find ourselves in this odd political arena. 

It's painful.  The more he voiced his ire and discontent -  the more I felt the need to mother-hawk his wrong thinking.  In fact, I brought up my youngest sibling (who I am crazy protective of) and his views that vastly differ from my own.  

I do not agree with my sibling's views.  He and I have this gladiator view of politics.  But mostly - he's my little brother and I will defend family long before politics (which I explained to this pompous individual). 

I am not blue collar. Or gold. Or entitled.  In fact, I don't have the pedigree for such thinking.  I'm a mutt.

Mostly - and in my mind, rightly - my path shows me that kindness paves beautiful opportunity.  Diversity has nothing to do with skin color.  It spans education and background.  Diversity is our differences recognized and celebrated.

And, damn it, ... there's an entire world founded upon hard labor and real work.

May we find ourselves back to this.

And - don't ever call out something that touches upon my family - I don't care who you are - I'll cut you down.

In my most lovely way... whatever that is...

§

A Response To A Beautiful Soul In Texas...

First.  I have never felt that you were seeking accolades or attention.  We live in a society
where women feel embarrassed to sing their own praise.  Forget the email -
forget letting people know your success (but don’t forget that - please -
it’s an important part of living and life) - mostly I was so excited to know someone
else is moving past the beginning margins and doing more. 

Do you do more for you?  The company?  The staff there?  Only you can answer that...

I’ll give you some personal insight as to why I do what I do …

When I started at HCSC my friends told me it would never last.  I am not corporate material and
they were right - I’m not corporate material.  Bucking the system, wrangling the norm -
the path before me was not certain.  In the beginning, on the phones I thought, “I can do this no more…,”
then a path was cleared and I was working written inquiries and I believed, “I can do this no more…,”
next… appeals…. next… Montana...

My path is not ordinary.  I decided to leave my position in Texas and go to an area that was
uncomfortable from the beginning.  Then I realized I was equipped early on in my training with the
company - and with my desire to do right and well for our members.

From Customer Service to managing the pricing and future modeling (pricing) for an entire state -
how could that happen?  Well - simply - opportunity.  Scared out of my mind.  I had an army of women
that came before me who inspired me (and more than a few men as well).  Dee Moore lit a fire in my
scope of possibility.  She was 19 when she started.  She became the VP of FEP.  Wow.  A
colored woman who began 46+ years before I dipped my toe in Corporate America.  Inspired? 
She took my breath away.  She overcame a mountain of racial bias, male/female bias, cultural
can/cannot do - and she did.  She is/was mighty.  

I was 14 when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter - lived in a car for a month while I was
pregnant and married her father when I was 15.  My life before and after her birth has been challenging
- but teaching.  From a background of “you will fail” - I decided I would succeed.  My success is not
my brain - though that’s not a bad attribute - but my real success is my desire for everyone around
me to succeed far beyond my own measure.  Now I find myself in HCSC boardrooms and my first
thought is never about me.  It’s about ‘us.’

Us is our company.  Us is my staff.  Us is our members.  Us is our providers.  I have a kaleidoscope
of people I think about at my every single turn and choice.  Often people ask me, “what’s your goal?” 
… Really?  

The end game for me is to finally achieve a position where I can assist Customer Service … they need
to be recognized in ways that they are not currently seen.  Their job in the most difficult in our
company. (Consider this - I currently evaluate budgets beyond the pale - but I realize the hardest job
is occupied by the beautiful souls that speak to our providers and members.  Theirs is a holy position.)

Please do not ever second guess your announcements of ‘well-doing’ - I wish more women
would celebrate their successes.  Not because they are any more amazing - but success in this world
of ours is amazing.  It’s okay to be happy and to celebrate - even to crow upon high (which you did not
- but it’s okay if you do in the future).

Thank you for reaching out to me and thank you for your kind words.  We do - and can do -
amazing work.  I believe this every single day.

Be safe. Happy. Fruitful. 

- Simone

Morning Affirmations - Everyday Moments At Their Best

Today was a God day - everywhere I looked was the Divine and I was in awe - and non-stop smiles.

Slept fitfully, woke up at 2 a.m. and didn't really return to slumberland.

Up and out before 8:30 a.m. - Starbucks.

"Good morning!  Quad grande, skinny, soy, caramel macchiato, please."
A smiling response from the speaker, "You haven't been in for awhile! $6.85 - see you at the window."
The window barriesta peeked out the window and gave me a wave. 
Great way to start a heart happy day.

Next - post office - closing chapters and shipping items to Texas. Mind you, I was at the post office yesterday and met a lovely clerk who had lost her voice but helped me pick out some snow themed stamps.  In the midst of our conversation yesterday, we both realized we were born in Odessa, Texas.  (I'm still smiling about this.)  Today, I walk up to the counter and she - Dede -  walks me through the best option for shipping and says - "You want stamps today?"  ... she had a happy grin...
"Nope - you helped me pick out great stamps yesterday."  She shook with a laugh and said, "I remember!  You take care."

Next up - Natural Grocers.  Needed small, single serving bone broth servings, pork skins, jalapenos and avocados.  Checking out and I began bagging my items - the young man - early 20s - likely not even 21 -  Lawrence - was very appreciative of my bagging while he rung me up.  "Thank you," he said. "Often people stand there and don't help." 
Me, "Happy to help.  Thanks for being here today."
Him, "I worked construction for awhile - and what I learned was you should never watch anyone struggling."
Me.
(me.)
Woah.  That was crazy great deep from this young guy.
"Thank you - you're right - wow - that's true for so much in life."
He put his hands together at his chest and gave me the most beautiful namaste bow.

In the middle of these errands I was talking to a friend in Missouri.  He said, "If you're going to get new sneakers, go to a place where they can fit you and take into account your re-built ankle and recently broken (2 years) other ankle.  Don't go to a canned chain." 
BUT - I was right by a canned chain.  I will just go look - I need some sneakers - like 3 years late for good sneakers.
Walked in - a very tall young man approached me, "How can I help you today?"  Folks, my usual canned response is to say, "just looking... thank you!" ... but I took a chance and said, "Hired a trainer, I have a rebuilt ankle and broke the other ankle a few years ago. Desperately need new shoes."
....
He said, "My mom broke both ankles - I know exactly what you need."  Throughout my shoe walking/buying experience he checked on me - he offered more recommendations and then came back with some inserts that he recommended to decrease the "impact" of my future efforts. Checking out - I complimented him and told him of my friend's reservations, he replied, "Our store has a bad rap for not caring - but I've been a runner for 18 years and I have worked very hard to know what shoes are best for people who need my input."
Dude.  You rock.  Thanks Troy.  You made my shoe buying experience phenomenal.

Next, a local craft shop to pick up quilting needles.  I keep losing, breaking or bending them.  If you go and get quilting needles you have to cruise by the fabric.  It's a problem now.  I recognize it.  Fabric is my new crafting crack.  Standing there admiring the different fabrics, I said to a woman next to me, "I don't need one bit of fabric - yet here I stand."  That one sentence turned into a beautiful story of a woman who has been fighting cancer for 7 years, has been quilting for 11 years, and who could do nothing but encourage my future quilting efforts, sing praises about the company I work for (and am passionate about) and she told me a most amazing story of her supportive husband, fantastic quilting retreats and we realized we shared a friend in common.  Debbie - thank you for sharing your story and beautiful spirit.  Your hugs were on point for my amazing morning.

Last stop - hold onto yourself - y'all know I'm not a fan of fast-food - but... I love me some Taco Bell.  Waited in a long line - ordered 2 crispy tacos - got to the window and looked behind me.  "Can I pay for the 2 people behind me who have already ordered?"  The woman at the drive-thru grinned a conspirtal grin at me, "you so can," she responded.

All of this was before noon and in that small time period I was renewed - and felt incredibly blessed.

Montana - just when I think I can't do this alone anymore - you breathe the best life into me.

Happy Saturday.  Really. 

§

Pie. Best Memories.

Tonight I caught up with a friend who spent YEARS experiencing the younger me - a young wife, a young mom, a young Simone.

Cathy and I experienced young motherhood and young marriage together.  Ups and downs, pregnancies, marriage - when my children's father and I separated I recall Cathy looking at me saying, "You were the couple who was going to make it through everything."  ... Oh, the truth to that for all aspects of life.

Our call tonight made my heart bubble over - memories - memories and joy...

We reflected on our parenting history, "how do you like 'them apples," and then....

Chocolate Pie.

We both laughed and she said, "Daniel always hated you for that."

I laughed harder.

Many moons ago - my house was the home where people gathered.  I was raised to be a hostess and always made dinner and desserts for folks who visited us every Sunday. My Nana would be so proud...

Friday night (a few decades ago) our group found ourselves bowling - snide comments were made about my inability to bowl and I said, "Kiss my ar@#$" ....

My brother-in-law, at the time, was cheeky and asked - "which coast do we start on?"

... Daniel, Chris and Roy laughed so hard... it was so funny....

Okay - alright -

Sunday, everyone was over for dinner and gaming activities - I made dinner, and dessert - not unusual - I served up individual plates - not unusual - individual desserts - they were pleased... folks this was not unusual.  I love cooking for people - they typically loved my cooking for them...

until this night...

We had a hotdog bar - all the trimmings - sides - and homemade individual chocolate cream pies.  I love making pies.  I love chocolate pies - but three of these pies... Chris, Daniel and Roy's.

Those pies - those pies were special.

Each had a full-box of chocolate ex-lax - melted and delicately balanced.   Right after they all enjoyed my cooking I tossed the box to the three guys and said, "hope you enjoy yourself as you're sitting on your coast..."

Tonight Cathy and I chuckled over my mischievous cooking habit - mostly we reminisced over past love lost and future possibility.

I am so proud of her.  I'm proud of the mother she is and the wife and mother that we both strived to be.

May your memories with old friends be blessed - and may my cooking habits (2 decades ago) be forgiven.

§

Wash Me Of You

Sometimes I want to wash you from my mind.
Scrub every corner and memory and sigh.
With it remove memories of first kiss, first touch, first laugh.
The way you throw your head back when you laugh - that too.
Each caress, each rush to touch and the feel of you inside me.
The smell of you - the way you taste under my lips. 
The way you respond to my tongue tracing my needs.
And your tongue, your mouth right and wrong and real.
Demanding and giving and wanting- how can one mouth be so much?
Black magic so strong that I won't recall the first shock of...
"I love him."
Spells and incantations that will replace the connection and communication.
Ritual and rites that will bleed me of you - whatever the cost.
Willing to bind myself- willing to lie to myself- willing to be other than myself...
Wash me of you.