Tuesday, May 1, 2018

Hot Coals. Hot Anger. Cool Resilience.

Buddha taught in the Suttas, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

I'm not easy to anger - but when I do, I flare like a big fire - and if given the opportunity to directly address my anger, I will cool fast.  If not, I realize the coal sets into this slow burn/boil - if my voice is silenced then I just simmer.

Sunday I was taking an early morning drive and I was pondering situations that had recently flared my anger and I thought something that was bordering preposterous and telling...

"It's not that I think I'm always right - but I need to understand when I'm wrong."

Real communication, without backbiting, is my favorite kind of talk.  I tell someone my view and perception - and then I earnestly listen as they voice their real view and we find the opportunity to move forward.  

Mind you, it's not as nice as it sounds - sometimes I debate in technical terms - or I move my mindset to cement and need a sledgehammer to move me.  (Sledgehammers are okay when you're trying to change the path of many.)

Hello - I'm faulted and human.  Sometimes people don't know me well enough to realize that my ulterior motive is the best outcome of the greater good.  But - in my current perview- you have to get out of your tower long enough to know this about me.

...

And passionate.  If I don't think it's the right thing - I don't do it.  If it serves only me - I won't do it.  If it creates, in my perception, a best path for many people - I'll push forward like a bull. I don't need to be right - I need to know when I'm wrong.  I'll pause when I'm wrong.  I'll stop and acquiesce to best next steps and I will, with a most humble nature say, "I was wrong."

But if you can't look me in the eye.  If you are offended by a simple writing or path - then I hold that coal and simmer.  And then I resent that I was holding the damn coal in the first place. 

Open - accepting - just say your truth.  Don't be manipulative.  Don't be self-serving.  Get off your seat (arse) and realize there are many people who depend on you to lead.  Leadership is not an opportunity - it's a gift - and it's not easily given.  Leadership has zero to do with you - but everything to do with the people that you can foster into being the best souls.  If you can do that - they will lift you to the greater goal.

"Can't do" or "Won't do" or "Will fail" leadership un-inspires me.  

Tell me - what can you do?  What do you bring?  How do you inspire your people?  How do you collaborate?  How do you face differences without overturning the apple-cart?  

Consider those apples, Johnny Appleseed, because safe is only your one next crop - then you must answer for the next season, and likely, you will will find nothing more than decent compost.

*sigh.... I have this damn coal in my hands and I want to be rid of it ... 

The crux of this is if I rid myself of it too early, then I'm not true to something beyond me and my ego.

The reality is that I have to take a breath, love, listen and understand that I do not have to understand everything.

Which leaves me humble and open to opportunity of enrichment.  

This makes me receptive.  (which is my daily prayer, "Lord, I am receptive.")

I refuse to let this burn much longer - but - I'll be damned if I shake my stake without cause.


...


Be loved and strong and known and scared and hopeful and resilient.

Good purpose understands the best nature.

Love to you crazy souls.

-  §

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