I'm often ridiculous about the next phase of me...
Forging ahead to 42.
42 is this oxymoron of achievement and failure. It's my challenging point - which is why I scheduled adventure before and after it - camping and paddleboarding all over north-west Montana.
42 frightens me.
Nicki Dianne Hale Hite Simpson was before me - her last year was 42. I want to honor her. Cherish her effort and honor it. (I'll be 42 this year, Mom. Are you amazed? I am.) I'm bitter and forgiving ... I'm fierce and mighty.
I watched a movie about Jackie Robinson recently. Do you know what his number was?
42. He was fierce and incredibly forgiving. (I love this.) Mr. Robinson was so great, his number is one of the few retired in baseball.
42. He made it brave.
I wasn't going to give any number a weight that would affect my forward motion. Ever. (This folks is called fear. I'm guilty of shielding and hiding it - but this is fear at its best.) I've dreaded this birthday more than any other. I saw it a cruel and cynical number that I battled much longer than its foundation. Not wanting to repeat the past - not wanting to even allow it power - 42 and I have faced off for years - since my teens.
I have 4 full months before 42 comes to fruition. I'm tired of fearing and dreading it - I am not my past - and I am not those who came before me. I am not required to carry the burden of 42 anymore.
I am Simone.
This me - this Simone - who finds herself close to 42. I'm ready to embrace it. I'm going to make 42 amazing. (I'm going to make 84 even more phenomenal.)
I've not shared this fear to many people - oddly, my daughter guessed it during a recent conversation. She seemed to understand that her mom was wrapped in a ghost that shouldn't be my weight to carry - yet - it hasn't left me.
I will not give my children a number as a weight for their years to come.
41 - let's keep this up - because 42 needs a beautiful introduction to the best that is yet to come.
Love to you - all of you. (because you know I mean that from every bit of light I have...)
Forging ahead to 42.
42 is this oxymoron of achievement and failure. It's my challenging point - which is why I scheduled adventure before and after it - camping and paddleboarding all over north-west Montana.
42 frightens me.
Nicki Dianne Hale Hite Simpson was before me - her last year was 42. I want to honor her. Cherish her effort and honor it. (I'll be 42 this year, Mom. Are you amazed? I am.) I'm bitter and forgiving ... I'm fierce and mighty.
I watched a movie about Jackie Robinson recently. Do you know what his number was?
42. He was fierce and incredibly forgiving. (I love this.) Mr. Robinson was so great, his number is one of the few retired in baseball.
42. He made it brave.
I wasn't going to give any number a weight that would affect my forward motion. Ever. (This folks is called fear. I'm guilty of shielding and hiding it - but this is fear at its best.) I've dreaded this birthday more than any other. I saw it a cruel and cynical number that I battled much longer than its foundation. Not wanting to repeat the past - not wanting to even allow it power - 42 and I have faced off for years - since my teens.
I have 4 full months before 42 comes to fruition. I'm tired of fearing and dreading it - I am not my past - and I am not those who came before me. I am not required to carry the burden of 42 anymore.
I am Simone.
This me - this Simone - who finds herself close to 42. I'm ready to embrace it. I'm going to make 42 amazing. (I'm going to make 84 even more phenomenal.)
I've not shared this fear to many people - oddly, my daughter guessed it during a recent conversation. She seemed to understand that her mom was wrapped in a ghost that shouldn't be my weight to carry - yet - it hasn't left me.
I will not give my children a number as a weight for their years to come.
41 - let's keep this up - because 42 needs a beautiful introduction to the best that is yet to come.
Love to you - all of you. (because you know I mean that from every bit of light I have...)
No comments:
Post a Comment