She is Meredith Star...

Now that the deed is done -
Now that she has graduated from college -
Now that she sees and knows her amazing worth -

I want to tell you the story of Meredith Star, the child of a child who became a woman planted by her own two feet.

I found out I was pregnant with Meredith in July of 1991.  I was 14.  There is a whole other part of this story that is inconsequential to the reality - but truth be told - Meredith has been fighting odds since she was the smallest embryo.  Something in her very spirit fed my own and and I truly believe it's because that strong soul was so present inside of me, well, it's this reason that Meredith is today. 

Some bullet points:

• I was asked to abort her
• I was moved to another city to give her up for adoption
• I met a couple who wanted to adopt her along with their lawyer
• I was in 9th grade in Midland Texas - and a very 'popular' girl stopped me in the hall one day and told me that my child was going to be a bastard and we were both going to hell
• Jostled in a group of teenagers going down the stairs during my pregnancy, I fell down the stairs at school when I was pregnant and fractured my tailbone
• The last two months of pregnancy I was diagnosed with preeclampsia and put on bed rest - I had a private tutor show up every day with my homework
• I received an award in Physical Science when I was pregnant - my science teacher implored me to give Meredith up for adoption because she did not see how I could ever be successful with my talent for science if I was a mom at such a young age
• I went for a sonogram with the woman that wanted to adopt her - and as soon as I saw the screen and heard her heartbeat, I knew I would move the heavens and earth to keep her
• I put myself into a Drug and Alcohol program when I was pregnant with her (PDAP - Palmer Drug Abuse Program) - because I was raised in a culture of drugs - and I was still around them the entire time I was pregnant - I wanted to give her the only gift I could at the time... and that was being healthy
• When I told my grandparents that I was keeping her - they were less than thrilled - my brother Joe took up for me, rallied behind me for my choice, and stood beside me when I was most alone
• I walked to the free clinic for my monthly and then weekly checkups
• I lived in a car for a month while I was pregnant because of mismanagement of money by the adult in my life
• When she was born, she entered the world not crying - not in distress - she was honestly looking at the world with these two big beautiful eyes and the 2 nurses, midwife, and my mother all inhaled and exclaimed, "look at her eyes"... I thought I'd given birth to ET.  She had the biggest eyes I'd ever seen.
• She was embraced into this world by a very capable and wonderful midwife
• The hospital kept me 4 extra days and had someone visit me every day to discuss the option of adoption.
• Day 2, her dad proposed to me over the phone - I told him I had to think about it.
• Day 2, after the call, I sat indian legged - with this small person in the crook of my legs and said, "Kid, I have no idea what I'm doing.  I don't know what the right answer is.  In fact, I think I might make more wrong choices - so forgive me for a lot of things I haven't done yet."
• Three weeks later her dad picked her and I up from Midland.
• Back in Abilene, I went back to school and she stayed in the state-funded daycare for high-school moms
• My grandparents, previously opposed to my choice to keep this child, told me that my disobedience to their plan was the greatest thing they'd ever seen - Meredith was the light and shine of each step - my Nana let Meredith walk on the dining room table... that was just unheard of....  
• Her paternal grandfather, Joe, was her biggest cheerleader. When my history teacher mocked me in front of the entire class for needing a pardon for being late to his class because I had to drop off my daughter - Joe, fired up for his grand-daughter and for me - that man called the high-school and dressed them down in a way that I am still grateful for and in awe.  He was amazing.  In so many ways - I will never forget someone championing me.
• I was so determined that she be better than I was, I was relentless with her education very young... and she could not retain the simplest letters or number combinations.  She could barely write her name.  I was incensed ...and I was stupid... 
• When she was in 2nd grade a teacher finally realized that Meredith has dyslexia and scotopic sensitivity.  Words/letters/numbers didn't look the same to her... (shame on me...)
• The same year we visited multiple doctors.  Meredith felt awful.  The doctor told me it was in her head.  Finally, she was so miserable that we went to the ER (and I was so frustrated with her because the doctor told me so many times there was nothing wrong - three months of nothing is wrong with her - she is creating in her head this sickness ...)  ... and in the ER, this small, 
• beautiful girl said to me... "Mom, I feel so bad... "  and I looked at the doctor and said, "We are not leaving this hospital until you figure out what is wrong with her."  ... And then... they realized this child has Kidney Reflux Disease.  Not only that - her system - her entire body - was shutting down from the stress of infection... and she was admitted to the hospital....
• She asked me during this extended hospital stay if she was going to die - I promised God, the Goddess and my very life, that I would never question her honest and real intuition again.  I was her voice.  I would be the most fierce voice the world has ever known.
• She wanted to travel and I always tried to clear the path of her wants - Colorado, New York, and Europe.
• She wanted to highlight her music ability and we searched for colleges that could foster her talents.
• I begged her to take basic high-school courses - she refused.  She said they were too easy and then she studied for 5 hours + every night to pass the advanced classes with a C or B.
• I asked her to take the easy roads and she was determined to take the most difficult.
• She has felt a duty to care for her younger brother and has stood toe to toe with me when I have been staunch in my position.  She is a phenomenal older sister. 
• She picked a college that was conservative in nature and she stood toe to toe with conservative/closed-minded souls who valued the concepts of strange ideologies more than they did real people.  
• Meredith is the champion of real people.
• She makes me so proud - just her very being - how in the world did this soul come from me...

There's so much more to this story - but I welcome you world - I bless you ... with the gift of Meredith Star.  She is of the Divine. 

She is of me.

And I am forever blessed.