Fresh Flowers - A lesson in happiness.

Years back - but not that many years - I was blessed to work for a lovely school in Abilene, Texas.  St. John's Episcopal School taught me lessons in bravery, right and wrong, and introduced me to teachers and parents who branded their own light and love into my heart.  Forever blessed for such an amazing experience - I can only look back and smile.

One of my favorite memories was with our P.E. teacher, Rebekah - I'm reserving mentioning her last name - but she is one of those souls who you can't help but feel your cheeks rise when she's around.  She always made me smile.

One day, Rebekah came into my office and there were flowers on my desk.  At the time I was unmarried and she said... "Awwwww! Simone - who are the flowers from!?"

In my simple Simone-style, I responded:  "Me."    She grinned, pulling her head back to the side, "You got yourself flowers?"

"I sure did!"

I gave her my speech - something I will share with you today.

Flowers.  I love them.  I LOVE Flowers.  I love plants.  For years during my first marriage (yeah, yeah, I know) I would pine after those elusive flowers.  I wanted some.  Why wouldn't anyone buy me flowers?  How come they didn't know?   I love flowers.  They make my heart happy - why - oh why - didn't I get flowers.

::knock:: ::knock::  Hello, Captain Obvious.  You want flowers?  Buy them yourself.

(So here's the question for you fellow pining flower lovers - do you want flowers?  Or do you want attention? .... Things that make you go hmmmmmn....)

Somewhere in my thinking I realized, if you want flowers - well, get flowers!  Obvious.  Simple.

And yet, how this vexed me for years!!

Simple enough.  You see chocolate.  You want chocolate.  You buy chocolate.  You see a shirt you love.  You want this shirt you're loving.  You buy this shirt you're loving.  ... Flowers?  SAME THING!

Ever notice how fresh flowers or plants make you feel better?  Okay - maybe that's not true for everyone ... but it's true for a lot of us... Don't you love looking up at your desk, table, dresser, cabinet top - whatever - and seeing fresh lovely flowers?  It's healing.  It's living.  It's lovely.

So - I'm challenging you - my beautiful wonderful friends and readers -

Buy flowers.  For yourself.

Or - even better - don't wait for others to figure out what you need to be happy.  Make yourself happy.

Love and light - and happy Friday.  HAPPY FRIDAY!

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When The Levee Breaks - Hanging by a Thread....

In times past, when something weighs heavy on my soul, I write.  I find myself writing tonight.

So many opportunities have found their way in my path - I feel shamed that I am so ready to write at a time of sorrow, but haven't posted the beautiful moments in my life that have come-to-pass recently.  The truth is, often we forget to celebrate our most wonderful moments - and this is something I will work on in the future.

But alas, I find myself pondering, unable to sleep, and aching to share my heart's weight.  ...
Here I am.

Here he is.  Here she is.

Many moons ago, a December night that I will never forget, I answered the phone.  My dearest friend (one who I still credit with saving my life) was frantic saying "He finally did it... he did it!!" 

"What?  Who?" 

It seemed that my dear friend's father had finally given in to his demons and committed suicide.  He hanged himself from a friend's basketball goal. 

"DAD!  He said he would do it - he did it - I'm right outside of Baird, and headed to Austin..."

I told her, "Turn around, come back and get me, I'll find someone to keep the kids..."   And I did, and she did- she turned around, picked me up and we drove all night to Austin to stay with her grandparents and later identify her father's body. 

He had indeed hanged himself.  The details and reasons are not important - but I remember standing in the office of the local mortician - viewing his body from the "glass on the other side" and thinking so many things that I will not share here - but will stay with me for the rest of my life.  When you have lost someone tragically and unexpectedly, like I had with my own mother - and now with my friend's father - viewing a body before it was "prepared" is like carving a scar within your soul.  It won't be erased.  It won't be understood.  It just is.  It hurts.  It's never softened.

Trying to sort through - I will not pretend that there is solace or respite from this questioning and pain.  I wanted to rip it out of her - I wanted to breathe life back into him.  There are so many other parts of this time - but I can only say that, to this day, I live these moments with her.  I love her more because she trusted me enough to turn around and let me support her through the hardest days...

Robin Williams death has shaken me.  I was not surprised and yet I was still shaken.  Genius will always come with a certain insanity - darkness - pain.   I couldn't help but hear about this brilliant entertainers death and draw a line to my friend, our pasts - our now.

It doesn't go away.  It doesn't.  The edges are worn away - they are not so harsh - they cut less sharply - but you never forget.  Somewhere in the soul's ability to rebound - we remember.  We always remember.

I feel almost silly that a man's death has affected me - a man that I have never met - but his pain - his drive to end his suffering - found me thinking of my friend, her father, my mother... the past... the pain... and I haven't slept.

Depression is a distorted view of the possible.  All that is (possible) becomes clearly impossible.  Hopelessness seeps into a level that most will not understand.

And I wish for you - I pray for you - stillness of spirit - awareness of opportunity - and understanding... complete and absolute understanding... that tomorrow is possible, that you are loved, and that I love you - brilliantly, completely and with unabashed Simone-ness.

(And I promise, my next writing won't be so heavy.)

Yours.  & Loving You.

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Toastmasers 11/2011 Speech - Resurrection Inspired by a Friend

In November of 2011, I joined my company's Toastmasters' group.  Toastmasters encourages public speaking and assists members in polishing their public speaking skills.

 

For members, Toastmasters' first speech is your icebreaker - it's when you introduce yourself to everyone and tells everyone a little about yourself.  A conversation with a friend today reminded me of my first Toastmasters speech.   I thought I'd share it here (and I hope you enjoy):
 

“In Italy, wine, bread and olive oil are called the Santa Trinita Mediterranea – the Mediterranean Holy Trinity.  The Texas Holy Trinity is only slightly different: wine, cattle and oil… just not olive oil.”  I have a book that I’ve read that comparison out of – in fact, I’ve given that book as a gift on more than a few occasions. The name of the book is “The Wine Bible” by Karen MacNeil.  Obviously we’re talking about the W-I-N-E variety grown from the ground and not the W-H-I-N-E that more than a few of us succumb to every once in a while.

I love this book because it’s such a fantastic resource on the making, growing, history and just a cornucopia of knowledge about wine.  One of my favorite lines in the book is about page ... 752 ... and if you took anything from the name of this book think of the “bible” reference – it’s a big book on wine…

Page 752 continues the story of Ed Auler a Texas cattle rancher and attorney who in 1973, went to France with his wife Susan to further his knowledge of different cattle breeds.  I must admit, I had no concept that studying cattle in France was an option - BUT – as you can imagine, besides the history and cheeses and foods and WINE and VINEYARDS… the Aulers looked around parts of France and Europe they noticed how much the topography and granite limestone reminded them of the Hill Country in Texas – and the author (Karen MacNeil) says the following – and this is my favorite – “The Aulers thought the Texas thought: ‘We can do that.’  Their successful vineyard was realized 10 years later – Fall Creek Vineyards… which produces a pretty fantastic bottle of wine.

“We Can Do That” – that’s a pretty positive statement.  It’s almost a little cocky – a bit of Texas – rather sure of themselves.  I have never forgotten that story because it makes me chuckle every time.  I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve looked at situations in my life and thought, “I can do that.”

I was born in Odessa Texas – one of four children – the only girl.  I have two older brothers and a younger brother and in the late 70’s & early 80’s we ran a little wild and I was a serious Tomboy.  My brothers would jump over streams, I would think, “I can do that” I’d jump too.  They would climb trees and jump from roofs– I would follow along thinking, “I can do that.”  Obviously boys are equipped in the area of standing and… well, you know… and I went right along thinking, “I can do that”… I must admit I have never successfully stood and… “well you know…”

My home life was less than ideal and in the early 80’s my brothers and I were put in a children’s home – in fact – I lived at Hendrick Home for Children for 5 years – the hardest part was being separated from my brothers.  I would wake up every day missing them wildly – and wishing with all my heart that I could see them and my parents. Few years following I left the home – I had just turned 13 – in a year I was pregnant.  

That’s right.  I was pregnant at 14. Woah – that took “I can do that…” a little too far.  I weighed my options – met with a family that would adopt my child.  Then one day I went for a sonogram – still in high school – trying to continue with my life and I heard that sound.  It sounds like a horse running.  This baby’s heart beat inside of me and I thought… Wow… WOW… this is my baby… “I can do this….”

I was married at 15 to her father, lost my mother when I was 17 and my father when I was 19, had a son when I was 19.  I will not pretend or even begin to say that it was easy.  It was hard.  I had choices to make and they were not always easy.  Stretching $20 a week for meals for a family of three, taking a bus to school so I could say that I graduated, trying to be a mom and a wife as a teenager happened because I gave myself a lot of talks saying, “I can do this.”

So far in my professional carrier, I have made cookies, fried chicken, arranged flowers, attended vocational school, attended law school, prepared taxes, was a paralegal for almost 12 years, worked on a few judicial campaigns, served as the Director of Communications & Community Relations and Interim Head of School at a local private school – all the while pushing myself from my less than humble beginnings with the thought, “I can do this.”

I have four children now.  A son, 15 who goes to school at Clyde High School, a daughter, 19 who attends West Texas A&M in Canyon, a step-daughter, 16 and step-son 18 – who live with my husband and I in Clyde, Texas.  We just have the 3 teens at home since my daughter is off at college – you can imagine that I often have to step back, take a deep breath and convince myself “WE CAN DO THIS” – having 4 teenagers is truly an adventure.

I read, I camp, I cook, and I write.  I see things in the store and I think “I can make this.”  So I try to do exactly that.  I am constantly learning.

So my “icebreaker” is more of a challenge – or even a continuation of the spirit of the Auler’s point of view, “We can do that” – that’s why we’re here at Toastmasters.  To learn from each other – to encourage professional and personnel growth in communications and to remind each other that communication is vastly differently than speaking – and frankly – We Can Do That.

Bullies - and why I react so passionately as an adult...

Today, at work, I happened upon a bully experience on a public website.  Someone was posting personal emails  from another employee and calling that employee a coward.

The mob mentality immediately ensued and I couldn't help but feel myself react.

This is not okay.  This is never okay.

Many moons ago - in the Winter of 1991 I was pregnant.  I was alone and I was scared.  More so, and most people never knew this, my mother blew the rent money on drugs and she I and lived in her car.  It was during this time - me, 15 and pregnant, her 40ish and strung out, that I was attending high school in Midland, Texas.

High School is hard.  It's rough.  There is no wiggle room for kindness and understanding - and it was during this time - when I lived in our car, bathing in service stations and attending class - that a "Christian" girl walked up to my teenage pregnant self and said, "your child is going to be a bastard and should be hung when it's born".... I stood there.  Mouth agape.  Heart pounding.

I didn't know if I should have reacted in any particular way.  I didn't.  I stood there and took it.  I was lucky they didn't know I bathed in the sink at the local Friendze - much less calling this child a bastard.

Bullying takes many forms.  It is rooted, typically, in fear.  But as a strong adult today, there is something about this public  mob mentality that makes my heart race, my back arch, and my Simone-ness ready to strike.

Life is hard folks.  Even in this First World country where we are so blessed and gifted - we make life so hard on each other.  Cruelty is never okay.  Never.   We have the opportunity to be kind and forgiving - it's not a hard road to take.

I task you - each of you - with kindness.  Stand up to bullying.  Even when you're an adult.  Believe in yourself.  Know that you have the opportunity to make the difference in another person's life in such a positive manner - why would you choose any other way?

Much love and blessings.  From an old soul - and a new soul.

- Simone

Look it up - cause it's true... and Colorful (Rocco DeLuca)

Oh yeah, and....


You swim like you're on fire
live like your last day
drink like its water
there's no tomorrow
And you think no one can hear you
Raise your hands to be called on
you know all the answers
You're the most colorful thing that I've seen
You're the most colorful thing that I've seen
You're the most colorful thing that I've seen
You dance like no-one's watching
Sing 'til the song ends
then you sing some more
And we can hardly believe it
words that flow from your mouth,
Drink like its water
You're the most colorful thing that I've seen
You're the most beautiful thing that I've seen
You're the most colorful thing that I've seen
You are an enigma walking
make no excuses for the way that you carry on
and we can hardly believe it
words that flow from your mouth
Drink like its water girl
Drink like its water girl
Your the most colorful thing that I've seen
Your the most beautiful thing that I've seen
Your the most colorful thing that I've seen
No no no no no no
You are so colorful
and you are so beautiful
and you are the most beautiful thing that I've ever seen.

Return of the Writing....

It's been awhile... yeah, I know.  Life happens.

Things are good.  I've moved.  In a new house back "in town" and not in far away Clyde, America.  I'm glad to be close to everything again.

Good things going on - going back to school January 13th, received some great recognition from work, oldest is a Junior in college, second child has a great job and has really stepped it up in the responsibility area, third child is a Senior in high school this year and has already been accepted to her college of choice, fourth child has overcome a lot this year - 3 hospitalizations and just lots of stuff - and he's on target to get a GED and just start junior college. 

Dogs are good.  Actually, right now I'm sitting on the porch in my rocking chair and they're staring at me with those "please let us come outside with you, mom" eyes...

Married.  Still.  Frankly, I constantly remind myself how blessed I am to have a husband who puts up with my quirks and eccentricities.

Today I learned how to replace window screens.  My enthusiasm about the project was a bit much - but any person  who can increase their skillz is always a better person.

I'm content.  I haven't been able to say that for some time.  My life, not easy with the medical issues for my youngest, seems more on track than it has ever been.  I'm blessed for that.

So here's to you blogworld.  You freaks, geeks, storied and unstoried.  Here's to your cups half-full. 

Much love.

- Simone

Dusting Off the Keyboard - Eat More Love.

It has been quite some time since I've blogged.  What was once a daily (or two-daily) habit stopped.  I'm not sure if it's because I said all that I needed to  - or I just didn't have anything to say or think about...

I do today.

So I stretch out my fingers - compose the words - blow the webs and dust off this idle mind...

This Chick-Fil-A thing - *shaking head - it really has me bothered.  Bothered on a few levels.

First, a few things:  I love.  If you know me, you know this.  I love this Country.  I love your Rights.  I love my Rights.  I love people.  I LOVE PEOPLE! I love life.  I love. 

I believe you have a right to voice your opinion.

If I went out right now and burned the American flag on my front porch - I have the right to do that.  I can do that.  It would really upset a lot of folks.  Folks (and friends of mine) who are very pro-chick-fil-a opinion would be mighty upset and point out to me that many (hundreds of thousands of souls) died for that flag.  They died for that flag, their country and our families.   I wouldn't burn the flag.   I think it's disrespectful.  It's my right to do it.  It's hateful.  There's no productive point in doing it.   There are hundreds of people who have burned the flag to the heartbreak of those who had to stand there and say, "it's your right to do this, but you're breaking my heart..."

Chick-Fil-A.  It's your right to do this.  You're breaking my heart. 

I reflect on history: women not voting because men are the wiser and stronger sex (many religious and educated minds claimed it so); blacks eating at the back of the building - after all, they carry all kinds of diseases - after all many religious and educated minds could prove it so.

Hateful times.  Unnecessary.  Wrong.

I know everyone has strong feelings about homosexuality.  I have the most wonderful, flamboyant, flaming, beautiful gay cousin.  I read his posts and antics and my heart smiles.  I have amazing gay and lesbian friends and I adore them and embrace them and love them.  Love.  I really don't care if it's a choice or they're born with it.  They're beautiful souls.  They rock my world. 

If you're going to stand up for something - or if you're going to feel like you're helping a cause - instead of buying yourself lunch tomorrow at the local chicken/not cow place - why don't you donate that money to a homeless shelter?  Why not find a single parent who needs help and chip in $10 for groceries.  How about buying coffee for no one that you know?  Or a soda?  How about taking your time and money and buying cold water for the guys that work for the city out in this heat?

Something.  Something real.  Something right.

I don't care who you love.  You have the right to do it.  Your love is so much stronger than anyone's hate or opinion.

... and that is the opinion of this blogger - who has missed the moments where taking up the keyboard just felt necessary.

Much love to you wonderful people.

Especially you.

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